Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
