Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My vagina is officially offended.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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