I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
