pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
