I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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