I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
