on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
