we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
