I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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