We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
