One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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