I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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