Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
