Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
