you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
