That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
