remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have already put on my inside pants.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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