Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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