I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
