It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
