McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
