Just fell off a train. Bad.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
