Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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