i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
