the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize