textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
