please come you make the beer taste better
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
