If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You made out with two different species that night
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
