just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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