your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
sex in a hospital.. check
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
