im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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