when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
