foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
