But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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