Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
