once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
