I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
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An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
