I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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