So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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