i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
