the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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