It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
