I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
