just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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