turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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