even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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