my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
