the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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