I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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