you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
