i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
