after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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