Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
