Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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