Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was born a porn star she said
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
