I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
