is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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