I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it hurts more in the daytime
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
