Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
