and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
