Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
