I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
