I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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