who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
