The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
