im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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