Whod you bang
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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